kissmedeadly42 (kissmedeadly42) wrote,

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I feel gross. For many reasons. One. I am more frightened of commitment than of rejection. This kind of disturbs me. I was totally almost on the verge of asking someone out. Maybe I still am. But I don't think so. Luckily, this time I wasn't stupid. Yay for self-control. Or maybe it's just insanity. I also feel gross because Reg makes me feel gross. When she calls me and has no regard for how I feel at all. The thing is, she thinks she does, so shes really nice to me. It was frightening. Last night I watched Citizen Kane(1941) and throughout the movie everyones like, Charlie you don't love anyone but yourself. You only give people things when you want them to love you. You never give anyone anything they really want. It was surreal. They know her so well. And then she started talking about Genna the way I talk about her. That just freaked me out beyond belief.

"...And he sounded like someone who had taken one two many drugs. And then I was like, wait, so do I."

Oh, my mother.

My aunt is insane. Like actually insane. I always said she was insane, but I never thought she was actually insane. She's in the hospital now. Sigh.
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If she's a user and a loser, dump her. Duh.

I'm really sorry to hear about your aunt. I'm sorry that you have to have the bewilderment of her moving, and I'm sorry she has to go through the wonderful, smoothly-functioning beaurocratic marvel that is Hospital. I send you my sympathies, both of you.

Sometimes T.V. can tell us more about our friends than anything else, sadly...
youre so wise Hairball...why can't i be like you...
wait.... you were talking about genna in the same way you talk about reg. Or They talked about charlie the same way you talk about reg to genna.

"harlie you don't love anyone but yourself. You only give people things when you want them to love you. "

Thats really freakily surreal indeed. But so mean to actually support the thought.
Reg talks about genna the way I talk about her.

I know its mean to think that about her. Maybe I would feel bad if she hadn't just made me cry all the while being totally unrepentant.